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Destination Wedding Advice from the Experts
We have assembled an expert panel of our partner wedding planners in order to
answer all the questions that you have regarding your dream Destination Wedding.
Let me take a moment to introduce
two of our
experts:
Natalie John of Dreamy Weddings & Tours has years of experience working
with couples in planning their dream wedding on cruise ships or at the many
majestic wedding locations on the exotic islands of Antigua, Barbados, Commonwealth of Dominica,
Grenada, Jamaica, St. Barth's, St. Kitts & Nevis, St. Lucia and St. Marten.
She also works with a number
of Caribbean Governments in creating a policy environment supportive of
destination weddings, including the amendment of their respective Marriage
legislations to remove residency requirements and to make the wedding process
much more convenient, efficient and simple.
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Stephanie
Hessemer
Hawaii
Aloha and Ho'omaikai'i (congratulations!) on your upcoming wedding!
We are David and Stephanie Hessemer, the owners of Hawaiian Romance. We
have been told by many of the brides and grooms that we serve that our combined
backgrounds is what made them select Hawaiian Romance and is what sets us
apart from the many wedding companies in Hawaii.
We came to Maui from the
Mainland to be married ourselves, so we have a special appreciation for
the trusting relationship that must exist between the couple and the wedding
coordinator in order to make the planning process fun, exciting, and stress-free.
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Recent Questions and Answers
1. We would like our wedding to be small and intimate, but how do we not invite
all the people that would attend our wedding if it were at home, without hurting
their feelings?
2. Are the Bride and Groom expected to pay all the travel and accommodations for
their guests?
3. If we do pay for a close friend to attend is it necessary to pay for their
guest as well?
4. I don’t want to wear a traditional wedding dress, can I go casual?
5. As the Best Man/Maid of Honor, what are my responsibilities in a destination
wedding? If the bride/groom wants a bachelor/bachelorette party where do I plan
it, at home or at the destination?
6. My fiancé and I want to make a week's vacation out of our wedding, but
we don’t want to hang around our guests after the wedding: we want to spend
some time alone. How do we spend time alone without hurting the feelings of the
guests that traveled to share in our event?
7. Are we expected to plan events for our guests during their entire stay? For
example are we expected to plan a rehearsal dinner the night before? Tours or
entertainment?
8. I want a sophisticated adults-only ceremony and reception, but some of my guests
have children. How can I handle this without offending anyone?
9. Is tipping expected for wedding vendors at Destination Weddings? What if the
resort has a no tipping policy?
10. I don’t want to have some of the traditional aspects of wedding ceremonies
like the part where the father gives the bride away. How can I gracefully tell
my father this?
11. Should we register for gifts if I am having a Destination Wedding?
12. Do I have to have a reception with food?
13. When should I send out my “save the date” card?
14. As the parents of the Bride do we pay for the wedding?
15. Who pays for the Rehearsal Dinner?
1. We would like our wedding to be small
and intimate, but how do we not invite all the people that would attend our wedding
if it were at home, without hurting their feelings?
Natalie: Weddings can turn into huge expenses if they are not managed
properly, and hence it is your choice to decide on the type of wedding you'd like.
You and your fiancé should decide on which family members and close friends you
would want at your wedding and send invitations to them only. For all other guests
wedding announcements may be sent upon your return from your destination wedding.
Unfortunately, unless you have a huge budget, it is never possible to invite all
friends and associates without someone feeling left out and offended, but if they
are true friends it is not likely to strain the relationship for any prolonged
period of time.
Stephanie: Most of our wedding couples come
to the islands for an intimate ceremony with just family and close friends. They
often have us arrange for a wedding video at the ceremony so that when they return
home they can have a big reception celebration and play the video so that people
can feel a part of the wedding. Because our couples have chosen to be married
in Hawaii, they usually have a "Hawaii themed" reception and we help them find
leis and other Hawaiian favors to take home with them for their reception.
2. Are the Bride and Groom expected to
pay all the travel and accommodations for their guests?
Natalie: Not at all, the bride and groom are not expected to pay
for the travel arrangements for their guests. A destination wedding is also seen
as a welcome vacation to family and friends. It's a good idea if the couple sends
their friends more information about the wedding destination and a good starting
point would be the official tourism web site for that destination.
Stephanie: Most of our couples do not pay
for the travel or accommodations of their guests. What they usually will do is
provide their guests with a list of accommodations that categorizes some of our
recommended accommodations by price (high end, mid-range, more affordable) and
type (hotel or condo). This is helpful to those families who do not want to have
to eat out for each meal and would prefer a condo type setting. As a thank you
for coming so far, many of our couples will treat all of their guests to a luau
a night or two before the wedding so that everyone can get to know each other.
3. If we do pay for a close friend to
attend is it necessary to pay for their guest as well?
Natalie: If you decide to pay for a close friend, it is not necessary
to pay for their guest as well. In the case where your friend has a small child
and the friend may not be able to travel without the child, and expenses are a
problem for that friend then you may have to consider the child's cost but other
than such there is no need to extend payment to a close friend's guest.
Stephanie: Personally, I do not think there
is any obligation to do this.
4. I don’t want to wear a traditional
wedding dress, can I go casual?
Natalie: A bride does not have to wear a traditional dress at her
destination wedding and she can opt to go casual especially if it's a beach wedding
or an outdoor wedding. However, if it's a church wedding, most churches have a
dress code, which the bride and her guests must adhere to.
Stephanie: Most of our couples choose to be
married on the beach at sunset, which is very well suited for casual attire. The
most common attire for a beach wedding would be the groom wearing a "Tommy Bahama"
style, which consists of slacks and an Aloha shirt in muted tones. Most of our
brides choose simple white sundresses or something similar. Most beach weddings
are barefoot, so this type of attire works perfectly.
5. As the Best Man/Maid of Honor, what
are my responsibilities in a destination wedding? If the bride/groom wants a bachelor/bachelorette
party where do I plan it, at home or at the destination?
Natalie: In a destination wedding your responsibilities as a best
man or maid of honor do not change at all. You are both still responsible for
planning the bachelor/bachelorette parties for the groom/bride. The decision to
have the party at home or at the destination is your choice. If lots of friends
are going to the destination then here's where you have an opportunity to add
some fun and flavor to the parties. Get the name of the wedding planner from the
bride or groom to be and seek suggestions and assistance in putting together a
destination bachelor/bachelorette party that your friends will never forget.
Stephanie: There is no easy answer for this
one. The location of the bachelor/bachelorette party would be dependent upon who
is coming to the wedding. If all of the key people have traveled to the wedding
destination, then the party could take place there. However, in most cases, not
all of the closest friends can attend a destination wedding.
6. My fiancé and I want to make
a week's vacation out of our wedding, but we don’t want to hang around our
guests after the wedding: we want to spend some time alone. How do we spend time
alone without hurting the feelings of the guests that traveled to share in our
event?
Natalie: That is certainly understandable as newlyweds. You can
invite your guests for the ceremony only and inform them that you will be staying
a few additional days to honeymoon. That way you have alerted them very early.
I suggest you let them know in the save the date cards that you send to them.
It is wise to have your wedding on a weekend so guests can arrive from the Thursday
evening or Friday and then enjoy the wedding activities and leave either Sunday
or Monday leaving you with enough time to enjoy the week. Alternatively some guests
may make a vacation out of the wedding and so you have the option of transferring
to another resort.
Stephanie: This is a common situation for
a Hawaii wedding. Many of our couples will spend time with their guests during
the days prior to the wedding. They will schedule golf tournaments, luncheons,
whale watches, snorkel cruises, luaus etc., but following the wedding, they will
travel to one of the other islands for a private honeymoon.
7. Are we expected to plan events for
our guests during their entire stay? For example are we expected to plan a rehearsal
dinner the night before? Tours or entertainment?
Natalie: It is not a must for a couple to plan activities or a rehearsal
dinner but it is welcomed gesture. I'd recommend at least one activity where all
family and friends can get together and meet friends and family from both bride
& groom. If you are not planning any events, then you should provide your guests
with activities that are available on the island. Your wedding planner can assist
with putting together a list of things to do while on island.
Stephanie: There is no expectation for this.
Some couples choose to plan a lot of events for their guests. Others will give
guests options of activities that they may wish to participate in.
8. I want a sophisticated adults-only
ceremony and reception, but some of my guests have children. How can I handle
this without offending anyone?
Natalie: It's your wedding and so you must be the one to set the
tone and guidelines of your special day. You should let your guests know very
early that the wedding and reception is an adult only affair and one way of informing
them is on the save the date cards or the wedding invitations. That way your guests
will have lead-time to plan and either carry along a baby sitter or find out from
the hotel if baby-sitting services are available. We had a wedding where one couple
brought along the grandmother to look after the kids. It was a fun experience
for the grandmother as she got a nice vacation.
Stephanie: It is completely acceptable to
make mention of "no children please" on your invitation. We have also assisted
couples with group babysitting to make childcare easy on their guests. Most guests
would prefer a night out without the kids.
9. Is tipping expected for wedding vendors
at Destination Weddings? What if the resort has a no tipping policy?
Natalie: Tipping is never an obligation but it is a nice way of
showing your appreciation and it has become customary to tip for services received.
Tipping should be at your discretion and since it's a busy day for you, a member
of your wedding party or family member should be given the responsibility of delivering
the tip envelopes to the wedding vendors or you can use the wedding planner to
assist with distributing the tips. If the resort has a no tipping policy then
you should obey their rules.
Stephanie: There is no expectation for tipping.
Most of our vendors have the philosophy of "never expected, but always appreciated".
10. I don’t want to have some
of the traditional aspects of wedding ceremonies like the part where the father
gives the bride away. How can I gracefully tell my father this?
Natalie: This can be a sensitive issue as it's a father's dream
to walk his daughter down the aisle but it's your day and you should gently inform
your dad of your desires for your wedding day. As well, a destination wedding
is a move away from tradition and this is a perfect opportunity to inform him
and the rest of the families about your ideas for your wedding day.
Stephanie: Because a destination wedding is
already non-traditional, it's easier to explain that you are planning a non-traditional
ceremony as well. If you are planning a beach wedding, it is especially easier
to eliminate some of the formality from your ceremony without hurting any feelings.
11. Should we register for gifts if
I am having a Destination Wedding?
Natalie: Yes you can still register for gifts if you are having
a destination wedding. The honeymoon registries are an exciting way to let your
family and friends know what gifts you'd like for your wedding.
Stephanie: There are many wonderful Internet
registries now so that people can order gifts on line for you and they will be
mailed directly to your home. However, if you are blending two households without
a lot of need for household items, you might consider a honeymoon registry where
you register for activities on your honeymoon such as a sunset portrait sitting,
a parasail adventure, surf lessons etc.
12. Do I have to have a reception with
food?
Natalie: You do not have to have a reception with food. A reception
can be from an informal cocktail to a lavish 5-course dinner. The choice is all
yours and it also depends on your budget.
Stephanie: This is entirely up to you whether
you wish to have a catered reception, take all of your guests to dinner, or just
go have a big barbecue. Because a destination wedding is already unconventional,
there is no expectation of what you must do following your ceremony.
13. When should I send out my “save
the date” card?
Natalie: Save the date cards should be sent out no later than six
months prior to the wedding date. For a destination wedding I would
recommend nine months before so as to allow time for friends and family to plan
and get great airfare and hotels rates.
Stephanie: If your engagement is far enough
out, it is always nice to send out the "save the date" cards far in advance, 4 to 6
months.
14. As the parents of the Bride do we pay for the wedding?
Natalie: Traditionally the parents of the bride
pay for the wedding, which includes all ceremony and reception costs. Since destination
weddings are a move away from traditional there's nothing set in stone which says
that the parents of the bride must pay for the wedding and hence I'd recommend
that you decide on who pays for what aspect of your wedding.
Stephanie: There is no right or wrong regarding
who pays for the wedding. What you will find is that a Hawaiian wedding is far
less expensive than a Mainland wedding. The biggest expense is always the travel
and accommodations.
15. Who pays for the Rehearsal Dinner?
Natalie: Traditionally the rehearsal dinner is hosted by the groom’s
parents, but it is not a must. Therefore, anyone can pay for it.
Stephanie: There is no expectation for this,
but we find that most of our couples will treat their guests to a dinner or luau
as a way of saying "mahalo" for traveling so far for their wedding.
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